Trying to “Measure Up” Can Sabotage Our Children’s Self Esteem

by Melinda Asztalos

Children that feel a strong connection with their parents naturally listen more often to their parents and follow their reasonable requests.

As human beings, we want to be accepted, admired, cherished and part of a “tribe”.

In healthy relationships, across the board, consequences are not used constantly because the child just does what is expected.

The more you are able to connect authentically with your child and FEEL things from his perspective, the more adept you will become as a conscious parent and instinctively know when a pattern of negative behavior is about to erupt and why, and you will not panic, you will remain in your power as a calm leader.

So how can we help to empower our children and deepen our connections with them?

Sometimes we push our children to do what all the other kids are doing in a given situation. For example, you bring your child to a birthday party and he is shy for an extended period of time and if this makes you uncomfortable, within this social setting you may push him to be more outgoing even though he may not be ready for whatever reason.

Sometimes we make choices based on what is socially comfortable for us as parents that may not necessarily be in the best interest of our children.

Parents don’t do this because they are bad parents, they do this unconsciously because everyone, without exception, wants to feel a sense of belonging. So often I have seen parents that are uncomfortable with their children’s reactions or behavior that they respond out of fear of what others’ may think. No one wants to be judged.

When our children are small, we guide them to do what their peers are doing. However, as they get older, we expect them to trust their own instincts instead of blindly following their friends. So how can we expect them not to be confused?

When we accept and celebrate our children for who they are and make that our priority, we realize that we can choose this over caving into the pressure of measuring up. We remember that children want to be loved, accepted and supported by their parents for who they are.

When you empower your child to show you who he is instead of telling him who you would like him to be, you give your child the gift of unconditional love and acceptance. you are saying,” I see you and I love all that I see.”

Melinda Asztalos is a transformational parenting coach, author and speaker who empowers parents to raise happy, competent and successful kids without the struggle. Founder of Life Positive By Design, Melinda is dedicated to raising awareness for conscious parenting on a global level.