Does your inner critic hold you back?

by Melanie Toner

I recently went to Santa Monica for a business retreat and part of that experience was a professional photo shoot with make-up and hair. I cannot tell you how excited I was for this day. I love to get dressed up, put make-up on, and get my hair done. I just knew this would be a fun experience. I rocked it, feeling confident, sexy and powerful.

Two weeks after my return to Philadelphia a package arrived with a memory card loaded with all my photos. My computer couldn’t load fast enough for me. With great anticipation the file opened and there they were…twenty pictures of me. As I paged through each picture a funny thing happened – my excitement drifted away and slowly my inner critic took over my brain. The negative speak was so powerful I couldn’t hear any other voices in my head.

Has this ever happened to you? The inner critic over takes your brain? It happens more often than I would like, but I can usually shake the negative speak quickly and move about my day.

But today – with these pictures staring back at me – I couldn’t shake it. I was paralyzed by it. I needed to move forward; I invested in this experience and hoped to use these photos on my website and in marketing materials.

The woman I saw in these pictures is powerful, confident and beautiful. And quite honestly, that scared the shit out of me. I worried if it would be safe to step out as powerful, confident and beautiful. As a teenager, when the confident girl inside of me would come out she would be seen as bitchy. So, as an adult would it be safe?

While on the phone with a client this morning, a picture on my desk caught my eye. It’s a framed photo of me with my little sister just before Christmas at a holiday party, each of us holding our babies. She made the frame for me, a decoupage of words clipped from magazines. What I learned from this gift is how she truly sees me. We (meaning all of us) often don’t express how we truly value and see those around us in the world. You see, I’m her big sister and she already sees me as the women I’m working so hard to become.

Gorgeous. Champion. Joy. Tender. Sweet. Friend. Wild Thing. Healthy Mother. Confidence. Believe. Simple. Happy. Sexy. Perfect. Support. Sensitive. Special. Beautiful. Smart. Great. Nice. Exciting. Fun. Strong. Loving. Enchanted.

Pretty powerful, huh? My challenge to you today is to step back and see yourself through the eyes of someone who truly, deeply, and unconditionally loves you, just as you are today.

What bold action can you take from the place of unconditional love for yourself?

Melanie Toner is a healthy living coach helping women achieve balance. Find her photos and program Be You Again: www.melanietoner.com, Facebook/MelanieTonerCoach, Twitter @MelanieToner