Accidental Mom
by Toni Hammer
No two women arrive at motherhood the same way. Some are moms at age 16, while others are 46. Some moms ask for their epidural at the hospital front desk while others birth at home in their tub. Some dream of having an entire baseball team at their disposal while others never plan on having children at all.
Like me.
I never planned on having children. It wasn’t because I wanted to travel the world or be a high-powered career woman; I just didn’t have that maternal “I need to bear children” feeling. I thought I was too independent, too introverted, and too selfish to raise kids. In May 2012 I gave birth to Lillian and 355 days later I birthed Levi. All of a sudden, my story—that of a woman who never desired children—was dramatically altered to a story of a stay-at-home mom of two young children very close in age.
It’s a story I could be ashamed of. I could feel estranged from my fellow moms because parenthood wasn’t planned. It’s an uncommon voice in mom circles. We all know the stories about mothers who tried for years and finally got their bundle of joy, or parents who got lucky the first month they decided to start trying. We’re familiar with these tales. But the story of never wanting kids? Not so common.
I could easily hide from my narrative. I could be ashamed and feel like an outcast amongst my mommy friends because I’m an unplanned parent.
But that’s not me. And it shouldn’t be you.
Was your journey to motherhood not exactly a replica of a Thomas Kincaid painting? That’s okay! A baby comes into this world a myriad of different ways, and just because your story isn’t the norm doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be told. In fact, you have even more reason to share it in order to encourage and empower other moms to stand tall and tell their own story.
Motherhood is hard. It’s long hours, little vacation, back-breaking, emotionally draining work all day every day. Why should an already arduous task become even more burdensome when we don’t feel like we fit in with other moms? It’s time to square our shoulders and say, “Yes. My kids weren’t exactly ‘planned’.” Just because the journey wasn’t mapped out, though, doesn’t mean I don’t love every day of this adventure.
We become parents by all different ways whether it’s due to family planning, adoption, IVF, or birth control gone bad. (That’s my story.) There’s no right way to become a mom and so much good can come from sharing your own story. It can empower women to be stronger mothers. It can encourage them to be more honest and open with their children. It can create dialogue with a struggling new mom or show love to a woman who is scared because she recently found out she was pregnant.
Our stories have power. They can raise someone up or knock them down. Let’s band together as moms and live our truth, share our hearts, and raise children who do the same.
About the Author: Toni Hammer never planned on having kids, but she’s now a stay-at-home, unplanned parent to Lily and Levi, born 355 days apart. She has been featured on Scary Mommy, the TV program Emotional Mojo, and the podcast One Bad Mother. When her children are finally asleep, she works on her first book “Is It Bedtime Yet? Stories from a Mom Who Never Wanted the Job” and prays for a publisher. She loves food she doesn’t have to cook or clean up and believes her out of control coffee consumption should be studied by science.
Connect with Toni: www.tonihammer.com Twitter Facebook
